Saturday, June 25, 2011

What's underneath

Who am I? it seems like everywhere I go, everyone I talk to, I have to put on a different mask. And with all the masks, I think I’ve almost forgotten who I am. I can be stupid and perky, I can be quiet and intelligent, but is the intelligence only a pathetic attempt at a façade, or is the stupidity how my insecurities choose to manifest themselves in public? I always thought I was assertive, that no one would ever push me around. So why, all the sudden, am I looking to others for suggestions on the way I should act, the way I should talk, how much I should drink, and the list goes on… my frustrations keep mounting, as I continue to lose sight of who I am. I’ve never been certain of who I am, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused before. I feel alone, lost, like I don’t have even myself to leave on. Changing masks can be helpful sometimes, but it takes a lot of energy. And sometimes, if you have too many masks, you can start to forget what’s underneath them.

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