tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11134292467791109422023-06-20T06:07:57.711-07:00Ramblings of A Slightly Confused UnderachieverUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-46684513745039904572011-08-16T15:57:00.000-07:002011-08-16T16:05:32.104-07:00Who I AmThis seems to be something people rarely know right after High School. They don't know who they are, what they want to do, or what they are meant to do. I am definitely not an exception to this rule. I switch between outgoing and shy, talkative and silent, friendly and withdrawn. However, there are a few things that I know about myself. I'm very compassionate. I love people, animals, and sometimes I feel guilty for eating plants. I am also very self conscious, and have a tendancy to judge other people in order to feel better about myself. I notice other peoples weaknesses, so that mine appear to be smaller in comparison. "Wow, she's so fat....obviously my large thighs are inconspicous". Terrible, I know. I really should establish a self esteem one of these days. I also love to argue, something that has remained consistent through out my entire life. My first word was "why", which makes perfect sense, since I don't think i've ever responded to a request in any other way. Where some people find arguments upsetting, and experience emotional turmoil at the slightest disagreement, I love them and find them invigorating. I get incredibly frustrated when people are mad at me after a good discussion / argument, because I don't take things personally, and I feel that people should be able to discuss ideas on politics and religion without taking personal offence. The song that follows is one that I love, because I feel like it describes me perfectly. The artist even has a grandmother with the same name as mine! When I feel lost, or confused about who I am, I like to listen to this song, because it reminds me that I have qualities that will never change, regardless of where life takes me. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh2qTnHdaH0&feature=related">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh2qTnHdaH0&feature=related</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-23372224643664242942011-08-16T00:43:00.001-07:002011-08-16T00:43:51.855-07:00Forgiveness<p class="MsoNormal">Anger. I could hold onto it. I could let it eat me alive, consume me. Believe me when I say, there is quite enough of it.<span> </span>It’s not that the people I surround myself with are particularly prone to making mistakes, but merely that I trust a lot of people. Not to many, just a lot. Trust is precious. It opens doors, teaches<span> </span>lessons that suscpicion never could.<span> </span>Sometimes, however, the conclusion must be reached that trust is often the cause of suffering.<span> </span><span> </span>But what does anger do?<span> </span>It burns. Trust can sometimes burn you, but anger always will. As a famous man once said “anger is an acid that causes more damage to the vessel in which it is stored, than anything onto which it is poured.”<span> </span>It is someone startling how often this quote rings true.<span> </span>Anger thrives within us all because we don’t want to give the transgressor the relief of knowing they are forgiven.<span> </span>Most of the time, however, those who have hurt us <span> </span>will already have moved on. They might feel guilty, but guilt cannot run one’s life. They will eventually move on to new endeavours, and any power we had over them is lost.<span> </span>Forgiveness, then, appears a somewhat attractive option. You don’t get burnt,<span> </span>and you get to maintain the relationship. When I forgive someone,<span> </span>I look at what has been done.<span> </span>I acknowledge that it hurt me, I acknowledge that the act was greedy, and disgusting, but I also acknowledge that I myself am not above making mistakes.<span> </span>That I could have, in fact, been the one making the mistake.<span> </span>That everyone deserves forgiveness.<span> </span>So I forgive them for hurting me, and all the sudden, I feel a lot less hurt.<span> </span>No, the pain does not magically vanish as some people seem to think it will. It just stings a lot less.<span> </span>Forgiving and forgetting should both take place, but they cannot be done at the same time.<span> </span>Forgiving can be done instantaneously, while forgetting takes time.<span> </span>It takes time for trust to build again.<span> </span>And if I have one goal, it is to let that trust rebuild as quickly as possible.<span> </span>To forget the names of my enemies.<span> </span>People change, and we must forgive.<span> </span>Although trust can sometimes cause pain and suffering, it also leads to beauty.<span> </span>Long lasting relationships, bonds we never could have imagined. Yes, trusting someone is a risk.<span> </span>But it’s like a lottery ticket.<span> </span>What you stand to lose, be it hurt feelings or a few dollars, you will forget about in time.<span> </span>The potential rewards, however, will last for years to come.<o:p></o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-50884093120706440222011-06-25T23:34:00.000-07:002011-06-25T23:35:07.147-07:00Rejection<p class="MsoNormal">Rejection. Who knew that rejection and forgiveness could co-exist? That I could admit, even rejoice, in the fact that I no longer want to be a part of your life. Reject everything you do for me, everything you stand for in my mind. Reject your spineless behaviour, your selfish intentions, your obscure jealousy… and somehow find a hidden love. The kind of love that ignites compassion. I can feel the pain of your losses, feel the pain I’ve left you with, and the pain you inflict on yourself as you begin to self-destruct. Feel empathy, because for the first time, I realize I have been in that place as well. I realize that the similarities that we had previously recognized run deeper than either of us could have imagined. To deep for us to peacefully exist within each other’s lives. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m not angry anymore, because I know that we will never fight again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I won’t be in your life and you won’t be in mine, but for the first time I hope that yours is prosperous, full of good things, all windows and no walls.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I want you to find peace somewhere, because I love you. This final rejection has allowed the hate in my heart to turn into an empathetic love.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I reject you, I love you, and I wish you all the best.<o:p></o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-13970951516243461202011-06-25T01:13:00.000-07:002011-06-25T01:18:58.010-07:00What's underneath<p class="MsoNormal">Who am I? it seems like everywhere I go, everyone I talk to, I have to put on a different mask. And with all the masks, I think I’ve almost forgotten who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I can be stupid and perky, I can be quiet and intelligent, but is the intelligence only a pathetic attempt at a façade, or is the stupidity how my insecurities choose to manifest themselves in public? I always thought I was assertive, that no one would ever push me around.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So why, all the sudden, am I looking to others for suggestions on the way I should act, the way I should talk, how much I should drink, and the list goes on… my frustrations keep mounting, as I continue to lose sight of who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve never been certain of who I am, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused before.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I feel alone, lost, like I don’t have even myself to leave on.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Changing masks can be helpful sometimes, but it takes a lot of energy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And sometimes, if you have too many masks, you can start to forget what’s underneath them.<o:p></o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-88441082436169786952011-06-23T23:37:00.000-07:002011-06-23T23:43:12.329-07:00<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Fearless<o:p></o:p></u></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Fear. Something that has always haunted me. Always been the dark angel lurking around the corner in my life. I’m walking down a light hallway, candles one every inch of every wall, yet the smallest shadow seems to hold in it the largest demons one could imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It follows me constantly. Never let’s go, never takes a break, and never allows me to catch my breath between frights.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s that voice that tells me not to go there, not to do that, and to some extent it protects me from what could be dangerous. Fear is like an older brother. A long-time companion, always looking out for me, never allowing me to walk into danger.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Constantly aggravating, yet slightly painful to let go of.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But fear is not my friend. It consumes me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It has caused far more harm to me, then anything I could ever be afraid of. As Napoleon once said, “The torment of precautions often exceeds the dangers to be avoided.” The problematic factor being my failure to understand this when I am afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps the most feared thing I could have imagined is seeking help for my fear. Go to someone and say “ I’m always afraid”. Having the courage to admit I am afraid is one of the hardest things I will ever find the courage to do. Yet I did it. I asked for help. I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. Now I’m better, the fear no longer haunts me. I fear being fearless changes me, but perhaps that change is for the better. So I’ll give it a shot, at least for now. So, this is me, living life unafraid. For however long the courage to do so may last. And if I can find the courage to live unafraid, there is nothing I cannot do. <o:p></o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-69634749386833939832008-04-05T23:06:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.160-07:00your crying I see you<br />trying to laugh outside when inside is tears<br />Your shaking im watching<br />Trying to smile through all of your fears<br /><br />Stand tall smile wide<br />You don’t let them see what’s going on inside<br />You’ve got nothing on your side<br />But your fighting to get through this wild ride<br /><br />Don’t give up never fear<br />Forget the past the presents here<br />And you can make excuses and I know they’ll all make sense<br />But do you want to live your life in past or present tense<br /><br />The worlds spinning fast around you<br />You don’t know what to say<br />But jump in and try something new<br />there is no other way<br /><br />Don’t let the past define the now<br />Don’t worry yourself with how<br />You can be what you want to be<br />Make all of your enemies see<br /><br />The stage is yours if you will take it<br />I know you want to atleast a little bit<br />breathe deeply work hard<br />Its not about your current card<br /><br />You are who you make yourself be<br />don’t let anyone tell you different<br />Make even your haters see<br />Your are more than they believe<br /><br />Your best is never good enough<br />For you know you could do better<br />And sometimes when you’re trying to clean up a mess<br />it’ll feel like its getting wetter<br /><br />Never give up on yourself<br />Or the whole world will as well<br />And the secret to success<br />Is quite easy to tell<br /><br />Work your hardest and love what you do<br />You know success depends on you<br />Never fail to always try<br />That is how you’ll learn to fly<br /><br />When you fall down get back up<br />When your cup is empty fill it up<br />Demand from yourself more than others do<br />And then they will see your potential to<br /><br />If somebody says your going to lose<br />Be sure to prove them wrong<br />Here are two paths you choose<br />For you sing your own song<br /><br />Embrace the life your leading now<br />And learn from your mistakes<br />But don’t let them hold you down<br />For you get no second takesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-55101944034779724882008-02-29T20:56:00.001-08:002011-08-14T02:45:40.160-07:00This is me<span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">I am a flower that blossoms and wilts<br />I am a blanket soft and fragile silk<br />I think of myself different than others do<br />I take pride in individuality</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Just one of the things I do</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">I see myself in a most critical light<br />I sometimes think I’m stupid when others say I’m bright<br />If I don’t try my hardest I hate my very sight</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I aim for perfection perfects my guiding light</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">I don’t let myself sink in with the rest<br />something inside me makes me work to be best<br />theirs nothing Ill be happy with doing halfway<br />Theirs very little I’m afraid to say</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">My friends are my heroes<br />I value the kind<br />I know if I search<br />a treasure I’ll find</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">I pressure myself<br />to do what some say cant be done<br />But I can be my worst enemy<br />Once the race is run</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Some say I am negative<br />really I’m not<br />I just sometimes hate myself<br />not all that I’ve got</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">some days I am happy<br />some days sad to say the least<br />Some days I eat next to nothing<br />some days a feast</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">And if I go off track<br />I criticize myself more than others could<br />I aim for perfect<br />Where others aim for good</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#ffcccc;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">That is me if you choose to accept<br />All though you don’t have to<br />but be warned this secret wont be kept<br />I know who I am that you cannot change</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:verdana;color:#ffcccc;">So take it or leave it<br />I don’t really care<br />But if u need a friend<br />know the offers still their</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-2264659473395845592007-08-20T21:49:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.160-07:00FriendsI have the most amazing friends in the world. One thing about each of them that makes them amazing is...<br /><br />Sara- She always puts up with me when im mad at something...like every other day:P<br />Kennie- She always reminds me of who I want to be<br />Emma- She still writes to me even though I havent seen her in like 2 years<br />Mariah- She's never ever a backstabber<br />Jean- She always has time for whats important<br />Becka-Rae (Rebecca)- She knows im insane and still loves me<br />This song really says the way that I feel about my friends...<br />just follow the link to listen to it!!!<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfPngX_4qcw&mode=related&search">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfPngX_4qcw&mode=related&search</a>=Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-45733430303494316612007-07-24T22:32:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.161-07:00Advice to myself in the pastI found this on another blog and it seemed really cool so I decided that I would try it!!!<br /><br />Age 5- Your not really that pretty so you can stop singing<br />Age 6- Your teacher thinks your stupid...take advantage of it<br />Age 7- Figure out how to find your own way to the bathroom<br />Age 8- Your teacher is an evil villan in disguise...dont let your gaurd down<br />Age 9- Stop trying to fit in with people that are rude to you and just be yourself<br />Age 10- See age 5<br />Age 11- umm...brush your teeth and dont be embarassed of your gifts<br />Age 12- Stop trying to be like everybody else...if people insult you they are just jealous.<br />Age 13- Dont do School, stay in milk and drink your drugs!!!<br /><br />Tell me what you think!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-56533041277743124832007-07-16T22:25:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.161-07:00HAPPY!<p>things that make me happy:</p><ul><li>Skating</li><li>Running</li><li>swimming</li><li>stretching</li><li>music(check out my last post!)</li><li>painted toenails:P(im normal...right???lol)</li><li>acting</li><li>eating lolololol</li><li>strange things</li></ul><p> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-41936420576528131412007-07-15T22:56:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.161-07:00MusicMy fave songs:<br /><br />Breakaway-Kellie Clarckson<br />Who Said-Miley Cyrus<br />Whatever Life - haley duff<br />Punch Rocker - Emma Roberts<br />Girlfriend - Avril LavigneUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-41760186364547650982007-07-15T22:55:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.161-07:00<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#33ff33;">This is me</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#6600cc;">I guess all along I was never like you<br />Born in a small town but liked a big view<br />Smile for the cameras do what you love<br />And even though it hurts don’t ever give up<br />Small town girl just wasn’t me<br />I tried so hard I couldn’t be<br />I like the lights im not afraid<br />Smile when you feel like crying always be brave<br />Its like what I loved I couldn’t do<br />Im starting to wonder if that was all you<br />Swimming against the waves all my life<br />Starting to wonder if I might turn out all right<br />Swim to a sandy shore<br />The tide is strong but it’s a new door<br />Ride the waves and they carry you wrong<br />Be yourself personality strong and smile<br />Learn who you are<br />Smile through your rage<br />And when the sun comes up<br />It’s a brand new day<br />Passions burn inside of you<br />Lost and don’t know what to do<br />Afraid that you wont follow your dreams<br />And end up in the place your meant to be<br />Take it or leave it<br />This is me<br />I am me<br />I’ll never fail to be</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-3633369478026467332007-07-10T22:12:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.161-07:00Boyz Boyz Boyz<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">boys must be the most undeveloped creatures on earth! call a scientist...ive found the missing link!!! So...perhaps you are wondering what the reasoning is behind my comments on the male species??? consider this...</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">I had come home from figure skating just a little while ago and was extremley tired. I was laying down on the couch in the living room when someone knocked at the door and this guy(junior high) was standing there. I know him from the neighborhood and he's really bad at hiding that he likes me. He knew it was my house because he had been there before. Anyways, when my mom opened the door he looked somewhat shocked and said "um...i think i have the wrong house." my mom replied "oh? who were u looking for?" And this boy replies "um, chad". They were not looking for Chad because they knew I lived there so why on earth would they ask for Chad??? do they think my mother doesnt know I speak to the other gender???</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;">Wait. It gets better. Upon looking outside my sister announced that his cousin is there too. My friend saw them beside our house preparing to knock on the door. Nice. Sneaky. someone tell them not to be secret agents or the future of our country will be in the hands of dimwits. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-51073957316592074552007-07-10T22:00:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.162-07:00Just Yesterday<span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">It seems like just yesterday</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">I was a kid going out to play</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">No thoughts or problems or worries that day</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">On the grass we gaily lay</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">No pain or sorrow in our world</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Just tea parties no problems curled</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">It's like as you get older yet</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">You have a searing constant dept</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Of everything you can become</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Theyll take it all they all want some</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">And happiness a distant dream</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Painless as the journey first seemed</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">The road is long a bumpy trail</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">A terrible wavy sea to sail</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">You choose the path you want to take</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Then give your all to something, make</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">One thousand pennies in a jar</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">A single move can make a scar</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Your life indented with its pain</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Forever its memory shall reign</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">I close my eyes and wander back</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">To when we played with balls and bats</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">And knowone cared about makeup or hair</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Remember how we used to dare</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">With courage lost and pressure deep</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Into a hole we seen to seep</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Hold your head high cuz people would kill</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">To see you fall and take a spill</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /> With every storm a rainbow shines<br />And every cloud silver lines<br />As hopeless as this life may seem<br />Forever is a distant gleam<br /><br />When feeling pushed beyond compare<br />Perhaps we need to pause in prayer<br />Remember when things went well<br />Happiness you cannot sellUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-21464264480555256532007-06-27T19:28:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.162-07:00TeardropsA tiny drop of water<br />Can hold a thousand words<br />The pain thats felt a whole life long<br />lies within its depths<br />And all the hate within the world<br />In this water's kept<br />A mother's child floats away<br />Her teardrops fall to earth to stay<br />A dagger stabs an innocent man<br />His teardrops fall on bloody hands<br />A daughters father lays in bed<br />The final bed in which he'll rest<br />The pain within a tiny tear<br />A thousand tales of hate and fearUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1113429246779110942.post-59643328729145706872007-06-01T14:39:00.001-07:002011-08-14T02:45:40.162-07:00My blogOK! this is the beginning of my blog. the beginniong of an endless adventure about me...WOW! CHEESY! that was fun...anyways ill start with a list of ten things about me<br /><br />1)I skate<br />2) I like to read and write<br />3) I am pretty much obsessed with msn<br />4) I hate math<br />5) I hate most aspects of my school including that it does not have air conditioning<br />6) I have 3 younger sibblings<br />7)I am in grade 8<br />8) I have 2 kitties one named Emily Lynne(Ellie) and the other named Simon (Simo)...they are both girls<br />9) I am hyper two thirds of the time the other time i am sleeping<br />10) I think far to muchUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0